Did you know that 75 percent of the time we’re “listening,” we are actually distracted, preoccupied or forgetful? Did you know that 85 percent of what we learn, we learn by listening?
These statistics are staggering, but we must listen to learn, and we’re terrible at listening. Therefore, if you want to be a better leader, you’ve got to improve your listening skills.
Why listening matters
Besides increasing cognitive capabilities, listening is also a hugely important leadership attribute. With people leaving their jobs in droves because they don’t feel valued or appreciated at work, the best thing leaders can do is improve their listening skills. Being a good listener shows you care and are interested in what’s being said, and it makes you a better problem solver because you can get to the root of the issue. Listening well earns you respect and trust.
Why we are so bad at listening
Most of us like to talk; it’s our natural tendency. So instead of listening, we formulate our responses or rebuttals, and as soon as it’s our turn to talk, we jump in. Some- times we even interrupt, especially when we disagree with what’s being said. We jump to conclusions and miss the point. We judge others and filter what they say through conscious and unconscious biases. Finally, we are often distracted — distracted by the work awaiting us, by our phones, emails, kids, pets, etc.
Become a better listener using these five tips
1. Be curious and ask questions. When people ask me how I get people to open up to me quickly, I use my leadership super- power: my ability to ask powerful questions. If you want to be a better listener, pay attention to tone, word choice and body language to tune into emotions and the underlying and unexpressed issues. Then ask probing questions such as, “Can you tell me what you mean by that?” Or, “How did that make you feel?” Or, “How would you like to handle this?” These types of questions allow you to delve deeper into the conversation and understand what’s really being said.
2. Remove distractions. As the statistics above show, we are continually distracted and miss details and nuances when we aren’t paying attention. In these days of Zoom meetings, it’s easy to pretend you’re paying attention when you’re reading an email or texting someone else instead. Stop doing this. The person speaking deserves your full attention. Listen carefully and engage in the conversation; it will build trust and credibility with your team and colleagues.
3. Let go of your agenda. You have an agenda, whether you have a point to make or want to exit the conversation to get back to work, and that agenda can cause you to stop listening deeply. When you want to interrupt or think about your rebuttal, slow down and ask yourself, “What’s one thing I like about what’s being said?” Then focus on this point and ask more questions. You can always come back to your point later.
4. Take notes. Writing what you hear helps you remember details more clearly and actively engages your mind. Listen to what’s being said and capture the highlights. Pro tip: Underline the points you want to follow up on. Doing this allows you to remember what you want to say without interrupting.
5. Don’t interrupt or interject. Wait for the person to finish, thoughtfully think about what you want to say and then add to the conversation. Nothing says “I’m not listening” like cutting someone off mid-sentence. If you do interrupt or interject, catch yourself, apologize, let the person finish speaking, and then reply thoughtfully. Pro tip: Keep your tongue in the bottom of your mouth. It’s tough to interject when you can’t move your tongue. Try it; I promise it works.
Put these five tips into practice to become a better listener. You’ll have better relationships and be more successful. As Bernard Baruch, American financier and adviser to a few U.S. presidents, once said, “Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking.”
For more information, contact Kerry Siggins at kerry.siggins@stoneagetools.com. To read her blog, visit www.kerrysiggins.com/blog.
