I am an opinionated person. In truth, we are all opinionated, but some are more vocal than others.
Therefore, perhaps a better way to put it is that I am a vocally opinionated person.
As I have matured as a leader, I have learned that sometimes you should tone down your opinion or even keep it to yourself. I have also realized there is more power in listening than talking and that always being right doesn't get you what you want: respect, trust and open dialogue. That's why it's best to pick your battles carefully.
Recently, a situation arose where I might have had to give up one thing to keep another. I didn't want to give up either option, so I had to choose to fight or walk away. Part of me wanted to fight. I argued my point, carefully laying out the groundwork for why I was right. I was digging in, and I could feel the other person doing so, too. I quickly realized that I had to change my tactics. The argument would not go anywhere, and winning the battle would have ramifications that might not be worth it.
Instead, I stepped back and considered my long-term goals and desired outcome. I thought back to Adam Grant's advice in his book, "Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know," where he said, "We won't have much luck changing other people's minds if we refuse to change ours. We can demonstrate openness by acknowledging where we agree with our critics and even what we've learned from them. Then, when we ask what views they might be willing to revise, we're not hypocrites."
Looking through this lens, I was able to see that it wasn't such a tough choice. I just had to detach my emotions and self-worth from the decision. I backed down and listened to the other person's point of view. I gained valuable insight when I wasn't battling, which would help me shape a different outcome in the future. Fight this battle on a different day in a different way.
Here are some strategies I use when considering whether to fight a battle:
- Is this battle worth fighting in the long run? We often make short-term, emotionally driven decisions at the expense of the long-term benefits. But really, many of the battles we fight won't matter in the long run. Ask yourself questions such as: "How does this impact my team and organization?" "How does it impact my relationships?" "Will winning help or hurt me in the long run?"
- Do you have the time to fight this battle? Fighting battles takes time, and time is precious. Be sure to choose wisely, as time is something you'll never get back. Weigh the outcomes and commitment required to win, and be sure that it's for the right reasons if you choose to fight it.
- What happens if you lose the battle? There are always consequences to every battle, so make sure you know the risks. Some consequences hurt more than others, and you should understand the potential outcomes of losing the battle.
- How will you feel if you don't fight this battle? Some battles are worth fighting for. The only way to affect change is to stand up for what's right. You have to live with your conscience and sometimes you must risk damaging relationships by saying what needs to be said, as long as you do so with pure intentions and the betterment of others in mind.
- Is there a win-win solution? It's easy to get stuck in the mindset that there can only be winners and losers in every battle, but this isn't the truth in most cases. Look for ways that both sides can win. Doing so requires compromise and open dialogue, both of which are worthy of the effort.
- Should you be fighting this battle anyway? We can all fall into the trap of martyrdom, fighting other people's battles. You may feel like you are doing the right thing by sticking up for someone or being their voice because they are too timid to speak up themselves, but think carefully before doing this. Often, being an ally is important, necessary and the right thing to do. But other times, it's not appropriate for you to speak on behalf of others. Instead, encourage those afraid to speak up to find their voice and fight their own battles.
Some battles are worth fighting; others aren't. Make better decisions by staying cool, calm and collected and weighing the tradeoffs you'll have to make.
For more information, contact Kerry Siggins at kerry.siggins@stoneagetools.com. To read her blog, visit www.kerrysiggins.com/blog.
