In a shocking development that has left global markets reeling, Canada and the United States have reportedly entered a bitter quarrel over the price of crude oil. The conflict began with a strongly worded tweet.
"Those darned Canucks think they can charge whatever they want!" tweeted a prominent, unnamed US official. Canada responded with its characteristic polite aggression. "We appreciate our southern neighbour’s enthusiasm for our oil." a statement from Natural Resources Canada read. "But we remind them that Canadian crude is blended with 10% maple syrup, which frankly, makes it superior. Quality comes at a price."
The White House responded, " We'll just switch to ... uh ... a more freedom-flavored shale oil!"
A social media firestorm was ignited. Texas oil leaders posted videos of themselves deep-frying corn dogs in suspiciously dark, viscous liquids. "Maple flavor?" one drawled, "That's just syrup for sissies! Real oil tastes like barbeque!"
Canadian government officials quickly retaliated. They announced a nationwide "Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve," diverting vast quantities from condiment production to crude additive. The conflict peaked when a Canadian refinery, attempting to demonstrate the "superior burn quality" of their maple-crude, launched a giant flaming pancake into the sky. The flapjack accidentally drifted south, briefly obscuring the sun over North Dakota before crashing.
"We thought it was a UFO at first," reported a bewildered North Dakota farmer. The incident, dubbed "The Great Pancake Panic," finally brought the two nations to the negotiating table and a sweet compromise was reached. The US agreed to import a quota of Canadian crude, provided it was clearly labelled. Canada, in turn, agreed to issue a formal apology for "inadvertently creating a sticky situation."
The agreement was signed on April Fool’s Day.
