Think about this: When you’re searching for a new doctor, in need of a different hairstylist or contemplating finding a financial adviser, what’s one quality you want someone you’re doing business with to possess? Generally, you want that person to be a good listener.
Have you ever received an unsatisfactory haircut simply because the stylist didn’t listen to your request? Have you ever wondered why the doctor seemed more interested in staring into his/her computer screen instead of directly asking you questions? We’ve probably walked away from our fair share of business transactions thinking these things: If only he listened to me or she paid a little more attention to what I said, then everything would have worked out fine.
The good news is listening is a skill that can be developed and improved, and the payoff of being a better listener can improve every area of one’s life. Did you notice the title of this article was not, “How is your hearing?” Many of us have excellent hearing, but our listening skills are in need of some serious improvement. Jesus spoke about those who “may be ever seeing but never perceiving, and ever hearing but never understanding.” I hope the same can’t be said for us. Understanding is achieved when someone listens first, truly hears second and perceives last.
There is an old saying: “They don’t know what they don’t know.” A lot of people are unaware they are ineffective listeners, because they don’t realize they’re missing what they’re hearing. It’s hard to be an effective listener when there are distractions all around us — e.g., wireless devices, computers, music, televisions. If you’ve ever observed an anchorperson reporting the news while getting an update from the control room in his/her earpiece, then you have a fairly good picture of what many of us look like to others as we run from task to task, never taking much time to truly tune into what we need to hear. From the time we wake up, we’re inundated with noises and distractions — the shrill siren of an alarm, the dull lull of a television, the buzz of an electric toothbrush, the ding of a microwave. The rest of our day just gets noisier from there.
Psalm 46:10 reads, “Be still, and know that I am God.” This shows us we should quiet ourselves to really listen. We need to tune into someone or something other than ourselves. Effective listening involves more than our ears. It requires our hearts, minds and spirits all being receptive to hear what is truly being spoken into our lives. Sometimes people shout at us to hear them without uttering a word. The silence should be deafening and alert us someone or something needs our attention. Thus there is often truth in that old saying, “What a person doesn’t say speaks louder than what he/she says.” That’s why humble people are the best listeners.
A humble person realizes what he/she does at certain times may not be working; therefore, that person is willing to rearrange things in order to better serve another’s interests. For example, a humble father will regularly listen to what his teenage daughter expresses — verbally or nonverbally — in order to connect more deeply and profoundly with her.
C.S. Lewis was right when he said, “True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.” When we think of ourselves less often, we do better in truly hearing others more often. Do you know of any marriage or kind of relationship that doesn’t benefit by someone listening more intently to the other person’s needs and desires? When we listen by putting the other person’s needs ahead of our own, we pick up on cues and clues about how to care and serve the other better. We better our own lives in the process.
I remember hearing a story about a retail king who became one of the wealthiest individuals in the world. Two small-time South American business owners somehow arranged a way to shadow him for a day or two. As they wrapped up their time with him and headed for the airport, they realized they never asked him the questions they prepared. Why hadn’t they gotten to those questions? The reason was because this world-renowned, highly regarded entrepreneur spent the majority of their time together asking the two small-time business owners questions! Although he was one of the top players within his industry and enjoyed great success, he still believed he had more to learn. He found the best way to learn was by listening to others.
We grow more by listening than by talking. We need to listen not only with our ears but with our whole beings. Be still, and see how better listening might lead to more understanding.
Brian Horner is the Gulf Coast Division director of Marketplace Chaplains USA, an organization that provides workplace chaplains to corporate America. This employee-care program serves employees and their family members 24/7.
For more information, visit www.mchapusa.com or call (800) 775-7657.
