How to give and receive honest feedback

It may be feedback from a co-worker, an employer, a recruiter who is trying to help you find your next work home, a family member, friend or even an antagonist.

Do we surround ourselves with "yes" people or give lip service to being open to feedback but, in reality, make it a painful experience for others when they actually offer it? It takes a secure person to be able to invite and receive constructive feedback in a gracious way. Most of us initially bristle when we are questioned or encouraged to look at a single action or observable practice in our lives, and we need to sit with it for a minute before responding due to hurt feelings.

Whether the feedback we receive comes in the form of a suggestion, such as how to interact with a potential employer in an interview process, a concern regarding how we were observed treating someone unfairly, an ethical concern or something else, we should take time to examine the issue at hand. It may be legitimate, or it could be a misunderstanding. In either case, when handled correctly, it can build trust in a relationship, give us an opportunity to better ourselves and allow us to consider another view besides the limited one we hold.

In order to grow beyond a one-sided view of ourselves, we need to welcome constructive and even difficult feedback. Of course, feedback is more palatable when it is given with kindness from someone who wants the best for us. We can choose to examine any feedback for truth and growth potential even when it comes to us in a way that is more difficult to digest. Feedback has great potential to be a positive force in shaping our personal and professional lives as we take time to evaluate what is presented.

For the people who venture out to offer feedback to others, I will share a couple of thoughts. We should always consider sharing information in the way we would like to have it shared with us - with respect and kindness. The discussion should include questions, encouragement and space to think about what is being shared rather than accusations or sharp criticism, which build animosity and quickly shut down any conversation. The motive of offering feedback should always be to help in a positive way.

When I was in the process of becoming a certified life coach, I learned the value in asking powerful questions. What is a powerful question? It is one that helps the receiver consider and process what is being shared in a particular situation or scenario in a way that creates room for connection. The first question should be to ask for permission to share feedback with someone. It is also important to observe body language and listen for clues as to whether the timing and the content are appropriate in a given situation.

We are here to help each other, so let's be open to giving and receiving feedback for the benefit of all.