Kerry Siggins, StoneAge
It's human nature to want to ease discomfort quickly. As Sigmund Freud famously described, we have the instinctual need to seek pleasure and avoid pain. But leaning into discomfort is where we stretch ourselves, grow as people and achieve greatness.
My greatest moment of discomfort was 11 years ago while living in Austin, Texas. Early one hot and muggy morning, I was forced to admit that I was miserable. My fast-paced, uber-materialistic, unexamined life was going nowhere. Fortunately , that realization -- which burst from utter honesty with myself -- was the most defining moment of my life. It was painful and I was almost paralyzed with discomfort; the uncertainty of the future was almost too great to overcome the overwhelming feeling of being stuck.
That day, I made the decision to move back to Colorado, back to my family and back to my roots. A week later, I gave my boss a month's notice that I was leaving. A month later, I packed what belongings would fit into my SUV, put the rest in storage and drove the 1,000 miles from Austin to Durango, Colorado. I cried most of the way. Was I making a huge mistake?
I could have pushed aside the discomfort. I could have ignored it and talked myself into staying in Austin. I could have easily stayed stuck. Instead, I set my life on a radically different course.
Pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone creates a golden opportunity to grow. Rather than run, resist or deny it, take it head-on and push through it. Say to yourself, "I am going to learn something life-changing throughout this process. I may not know what it is yet, but I trust that it's going to help me be a better person."
How do you push through discomfort to realize the lesson in it? Here are a few steps:
- Take a deep breath; it calms the nervous system and brings oxygen to the brain that will help bring clarity. Thinking clearly is imperative in tough situations.
- Make a list of your desired outcomes. Something may be "happening" to you, but that doesn't mean you can't affect the outcome. Knowing what you want in the end will help you take action.
- Make a plan to achieve your outcomes. It could be a big plan like moving across the country, or a small plan like scheduling a meeting to apologize for hurting someone's feelings. Having a plan can reduce the mind spinning that takes place when you feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable. Once you know what you're going to do, you'll have an easier time letting it go.
- Think about the obstacles you might encounter while executing your plan, and come up with ideas for how to overcome them in advance; this makes it less likely they will trip you up if encountered. "What will I do after I quit my job?" "What will I do if I say the wrong thing and make the situation worse?" "What will I do if I get emotional?"
- The answer to fear is to take action. Taking the first step is always the hardest. Once you've done it, though, you may find it wasn't all that hard, making the next step easier. Go ask one person for feedback or advice. Make a list of questions to ask your boss so you have clarity about the change happening. It doesn't matter what the situation is; just take one small step.
- Do something you love. For me, exercise is a surefire way to make me feel better about anything. If I am feeling stressed and uncomfortable, a long trail run or a mountain bike ride is just what I need. It helps me put things into perspective. What I am dealing with might be hard, but I am going to be OK no matter what happens. A good run reminds me that being uncomfortable isn't going to kill me.
There is no doubt it can be insanely scary to take risks, try something new or make a major change. You might fail, look stupid, get lost or lose money -- or you might not. You can try to fool yourself into thinking playing it safe will ease the discomfort, but rarely is playing it safe actually safe -- not in the long run, anyway. Settling for mediocrity in this one life you have to live is a major gamble. Don't let your fear and dislike of being uncomfortable hold you back. Acknowledge it, cuddle up with it, take one small step and observe the powerful sense of achievement you will feel.
For more information, contact Kerry Siggins at kerry.siggins@stoneagetools.com. To read her blog, visit www. Kerrysiggins.com/blog.
