For many years after graduating from college, I was lost. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I was rudderless, making poor decisions and looking for direction. One particularly hard day, I called a friend in tears, venting about my uninspiring job and the mess I was making of my life. At the end of my emotional outburst, he said, "You're right, your life is a mess. What are you going to do about it?"
"I don't have a clue!" I said. "I am clearly incapable of making good decisions. Just tell me what you think I should do, and I'll do it!"
"No," he responded. "It's not up to me to figure it out for you; that's your responsibility. What are you going to do about it?"
In that moment, I was looking for someone else to figure out my problems. I was willing to give up my power to let someone else lead me. Luckily, his directness inspired me to take charge of my life and be a self-leader.
Unfortunately, this "tell me what to do" type of thinking is common, especially in the workplace. We spend our time trying to figure out who's the boss, what's going to make him or her happy and, if something goes wrong, who we can blame. We don't see ourselves as leaders; we wait for others to give direction and then blame our leaders when we aren't happy.
What if you chose something different? What if you looked in the mirror before passing the buck? What if you were a self-leader? Self-leadership is owning your decisions, mistakes, attitude and the stories you tell yourself. It combines self-awareness, self-management and how you show up in your relationships. It's how you choose to be heard, give and receive feedback, take initiative and be your best. It's how you lead yourself.
Even if you don't have a leadership title, you can excel at self-leadership. Here are some tips:
- Be curious, ask questions and always learn. Curious people desire to understand how the world works beyond what they experience, so they naturally ask more questions. This opens doors, giving them an advantage over those who are less curious. Asking good questions positions them to learn how to do a job better, faster and more creatively.
- Create a system for success. Without a system, you'll be a rudderless ship, too. A system of success includes a vision of what you want in life, clearly defined goals, healthy habits and a plan. This framework will help you stay focused, prioritize what's most important and consider tradeoffs.
- Take responsibility. Self-empowerment is deciding that you are responsible for you, no matter what. Reflect on your decisions and make different ones if you aren't happy. Be a force of positivity rather than one of negativity and toxicity. When you are misunderstood or say something thoughtless, own your communication style and work to improve it. Manage and regulate your emotions to minimize outbursts that can damage relationships.
- Keep it real and be candid. Your thoughts and feelings matter; you will best direct your life when you are open and honest, so speak up. Commit to giving direct feedback. It may be easier to keep it to yourself or let your boss deal with it, but being direct with those around you creates an opportunity to effect positive change. Don't talk about others behind their backs. A good rule of thumb: If you haven't said it to the person you are venting about, don't say it to someone else.
- Raise your hand and work hard. Don't wait for assignments to be given to you. Raise your hand and volunteer. Make suggestions for improvement. Get outside your comfort zone; challenge yourself by learning new skills. Don't settle for mediocracy; commit to working hard and creating great outcomes.
- Take care of yourself. Money unequivocally influences your actions or inactions. Therefore, understanding your personal finances is crucial to self-leadership. Additionally, diet and physical fitness impact every emotion, thought, action and outcome. What you put in your body and how you exercise directly affect your brain chemistry, which determines your moods, energy and the ability to get important work done.
Self-leadership is essential to success. Be brave! Send your excuses packing and embrace leading yourself.
For more information, contact Kerry Siggins at kerry.siggins@stoneagetools.com. To read her blog, visit www.kerrysiggins.com/blog.
