Receiving feedback can be tough at times, but it’s critical to grow personally and professionally. How can you improve if you don’t know what to improve upon? Unfortunately, many people get defensive and make excuses when they get feedback. Reacting in this manner shuts down any curiosity about the perspective being shared and is a missed opportunity to grow as a person, better understand your impact on others, and improve in your job and relationships. Handling it poorly also increases the chance you won’t get honest feedback in the future. This may sound ideal, but it’s not. I can guarantee people have feedback for you; they just don’t want to tell you.
If your goal is to be a highly respected manager and a leader worth following, you must be committed to always asking for feedback. This describes what I desire to be, and it’s very important to me people feel comfortable telling me the hard stuff. To achieve that, I’ve had to develop feedback-taking skills. Here are some of my tips:
- Just say thank you — The first thing I say when I am receiving feedback is, “Thank you. I really appreciate you sharing this with me.” It puts the person who is giving me constructive criticism a little more at ease, and it gives me time to process before haphazardly blurting out something that could make the situation go south. The key here is to listen actively and refrain from building your case as to why the person is wrong.
- Ask clarifying questions — Because there is room for misinterpretation, asking good questions allows me to make sure I have a deep understanding of what is being shared. It also helps me pull more information out of the conversation. Some people talk circles around the real issue or sugarcoat it to make it easier to swallow. It’s a shame to walk away with something left unsaid, mixed messages or an unclear path forward. Asking good questions can minimize the chance of these things happening. Consider your tone when asking questions; you should be inquisitive and open, not defensive or sarcastic.
- Don’t make excuses — Depending on the feedback, it may be appropriate to explain yourself. For example, further clarification may be required if someone misunderstood what you were trying to say. Therefore, an explanation is helpful. But many times giving an explanation can sound more like an excuse. There is a fine line between explanation, justification and an excuse. Interjecting with excuses is a surefire way to be labeled as unaccountable.
- Ask for time to process — If I feel myself getting defensive and I can’t get it under control with a few deep breaths, I say, “This is a lot for me to process right now. May I have a bit of time to think about what you are saying and come back later to talk through it?” Most people need time to process feedback, and it’s completely reasonable to ask for space to think. Just make sure you set a time to circle back. You don’t want to blow off the person brave enough to share constructive criticism.
- Pay attention — After receiving feedback, I try to be hyper-mindful of exhibiting these behaviors. There are always opportunities to stop doing or start doing the critiqued conduct. For example, if you were told you interrupt people, pay close attention to yourself when conversing with others. Notice when you find yourself wanting to interject. How do you feel, and why do you want to add your two cents? Did you stop yourself? If not, did you take accountability for interrupting and apologize? Being mindful and making in-the-moment course corrections are great ways to improve.
I work hard at being coachable, approachable and taking feedback with grace. It’s not always easy, and I certainly have screwed up my share of conversations because I let myself get defensive. Just like any skill, you have to practice to get better at it. Looking back over the constructive criticism I’ve received, I am grateful for the people who have cared enough to share it with me. Each time, they have offered me a golden opportunity to take steps toward becoming the leader I want to be. To all of you I say, “Thank you for the feedback.”
For more information, contact Kerry Siggins at kerry.siggins@stoneagetools.com. To read or sign up for her blog, visit www.kerrysiggins.com.
