Have you ever stopped to question your thoughts? Where did this thought come from? Why do I think this way? What past experiences are helping to formulate my opinion?
It's a pretty powerful moment when you wake up and realize that the way you think might not be the truth but rather your own perception.
Here is a perspective for you to ponder: As you read my article in BIC Magazine, you have thoughts and opinions about it. You may love it because it resonates with you, and you can grab ahold of something and act on it right now. Your thoughts are based on your experiences, preferences, judgments and emotions, and based on these, you've likely formulated feelings about me as a person and leader, even if you've never met me.
Someone else reading my article may have a completely different experience. They may hate it, think it's nonsense and can't find anything in it worth trying to implement.
Both experiences feel like the truth to each person, but whose truth is right? The answer is neither and both.
It is easy to see how these differences in personal perspective can lead to conflicts in the workplace. Meetings can grind to a halt, and negotiations can stall when parties are so locked into their own "truth" that they can't accept a differing idea. The problems are compounded if we buy into societal attitudes that reinforce the ideas that compromising and admitting you are wrong are signs of weakness. Often the solution is to step back and encourage introspection around firmly held opinions to find latitude for agreement.
Questioning your thoughts is extremely powerful and brings true self-awareness. Yes, it can create discomfort, especially when you challenge your own belief systems, but it is also eye-opening and life-changing. Realizing that your way is not the only way can lead you to consider new perspectives and new ways of thinking, stretch yourself and, most importantly, make better decisions as a leader. Not believing everything you think allows you to make room for other people's ideas and solutions. It cultivates tolerance, acceptance and compromise. It helps you be a better person, parent and leader.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself when you are feeling passionate (OK, defensive) about the way you think or feel, or when you're being judgmental about a person or a situation. I have found that sometimes I can detach myself from my thoughts and other times I can't, but this process always helps me put things into perspective. By asking yourself these questions, you may find that you become more open, compassionate and tolerant of others, which tends to lead to being more content:
- Why do I believe this? Why are my feelings so strong?
- What if I believed something different? What would change?
- What story am I telling myself about this person or situation? How do I know that story is true? What other stories could also be true?
- What assumptions am I making?
- What would happen if I just let this thought/feeling go and it never crossed my mind again?
- Is this how I really feel, or is my ego getting in the way?
- Why am I being judgmental?
- What if these thoughts are the truth? Would I do something different?
- What if I let this thought dissipate? Will anything change?
Most of us can agree that the world would be a better place if we weren't always arguing, judging, defending and warring. If we want to change this about our world, we must change it within ourselves first. You can start by being more curious about your thoughts and pausing to consider that belief doesn't necessarily equate to truth and that it's OK, even beneficial, that your truth isn't everyone else's truth.
For more information, contact Kerry Siggins at kerry.siggins@stone agetools.com. To read her blog, visit www.kerrysiggins.com/blog.
